Pained

I attempted to post last night but I failed. It was going to be all about how I was in a horrible mood but then my brother surprised me by buying me a new sewing machine and it is beautiful and I love it and I am so excited and the bad mood was broken! But I woke up crying this morning. I hate waking up with tears running down my face and an overwhelming sense of sadness but no idea why. I wish I could remember what I was dreaming. It seems that it was only the beginning of the depression that is me today. I feel a weight on my shoulders that is crushing me. Not only do I hurt physically everytime I breath and move (bruised rib methinks) but I hurt mentally and emotionally too. I cannot quite place why. My mind is a swirling mass of cacophony. The world is whispering about me on the edges of consciousness and I can only hear enough to know it is angry and hurtful. And I walk on in smothering silence like a snowstorm. Just keep moving and the sun will shine again. The air is so cold that it hurts to breath and stings my eyes relentlessly. I want to stop and curl into a ball and cry but I know I will surely get hypothermia and die. So I drag my feet forward one at a time and keep moving through life. I think I will be better when I have something concrete in front of me to do. Or when this pain stops...