Oh god. I hurt so badly right now. I have almost nothing left. I have no dignity, I have no happiness, I have no self-respect. My life consists of pathetic school and wok. I will rarely get to see Josh and I don't get much time to see friends. I feel so alone right now. I don't understand life at all. How can everything be so wrong? How could one little yes consenting to one little date lead to such pain? How can someone who says he loves me hurt me like this? I don't get it... All that living is anymore is pain. Nothing shines, I cannot smile. I've fallen from my heights and no longer have the wings to catch mysefl upon. I can't ascend back to my heaven, I am banned from my utopia. Everytime I make peace with myself about the situation, something smacks me around again and I can't find my bearings. I want to go to sleep, this world has lost its shine... There is nothing here for me. I want to scream but all that ever comes out is tears. I want to beat something up, I want to hurt something... but I can't... So I'll just cry more... and accept my new pathetic mundane life...

Huggles