I can't stand myself this week! Ugh it's like I'm a totally different person and I can't control it. I'm horribly negative and just sick of life... I don't understand because these feelings just aren't characteristic of me. It's like there's a voice in my head that feeds these seeds of discontent and worry into my thoughts and I can't stop it. I guess it doesn't help that I'm running on about 8 hours of sleep for the whole week. Yawn. Hence the circles under my eyes. Every once and a while if I try really hard I can be in a good mood but it takes the smallest thing to make me go off... It's got to be just because I'm so tired...

I'm not going to the campout after all, which means no time with Josh really because he's going to practice... sometimes I feel so alone...

And I have a gripe to make, I hate (yes for once I used the word hate) shopping for clothes. This society is out to make me depressed I swear. I mean, I don't think I'm all that fat, definitely not skinny but not fat. And I can hardly find any clothes that fit me. Shirts aren't that bad because I know the reason they don't fit is because I'm, well, as Dawn says "top-heavy". But when I try to find pants... I feel like a blimp! Blarg! I just want to cry... It's stupid I know and recently I've been a lot more self confident about my body, but it's really disheartening not to even be able to find pants that fit. Am I just getting larger and not noticing or are pant sizes getting smaller? It's not fair, why can't I be thin and petite framed like most other girls... Don't get me wrong I'm damn proud of my big hips but sometimes it's hard to feel feminine when you are a "big girl". As the guy in my theatre class said, I look like I should be someone from germany named Helga. I'm not really sure how he meant it but all I can picture is a big hulking viking woman... Fat... Damnit! I'm beautiful too, why doesn't this society see that?

Well, I got my Prom tickets today. Thankfully they let me buy them without the application Josh was supposed to get to me...

I'm off to bed before I have a nervous breakdown, don't know when I'll get my homework done... sigh.
Frustrated huggles