I'm a stranger in my own body.
I'm a stranger in my own head.
I don't know who I am.
I am ashamed of things I've done
...or haven't done.
I hate myself.
But I love who others see me as.

I'm at a loss for the thoughts and emotions running through me right now. I'm even more at a loss for what sparked them. I'm terrified that I'm a failure, that everyone secretly hates me and I just don't see it. That I'm annoying or stupid or simply repulsive. A small voice in the back of my head keeps whispering that Josh doesn't really love me. It insists that I'm stupid for thinking I could ever be happy with anyone. That I'm just hurting him. That I'm just hurting myself... I haven't heard this voice in a long time... I never wanted to hear it again.

I have no one to talk sense into me. No shoulder to cry on. My friends can't get through to me. My mother is two states away. I am alone. All I can do to prevent myself from going completely insane is distract myself with business. I've read two books already tonight since 8 o'clock. Two reasonably long books. I wish I could run away. To hide from my own mind and my own heart. I wish that someone would give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be ok. That I'm just being silly. And I wish that I would believe them if they did.

Why am I feeling this way?
Help me.