So, the more I think about... the less I can stomach the idea of flirting with any other guys any time soon... I keep having dreams of Josh with other girls and I can't stand it and I don't want him to have to feel this type of rejection and worthlessness on my account ever. So... I called him, yes I told myself I would not but I did. And I couldn't stop myself from crying in relief the moment I heard his voice. I told him I'd wait for him, for now at least and he says he wants to still associate and talk, call me and such... just not with the same intensity? commitment? responsibility?... I think it has to do with his mom and dad being separated the way they are... He's either following in their pattern because that's all he knows or he is trying to avoid following their example by fixing the problem now... All I know is I'm simply glad to stop this throbbing in my heart that kept screaming at me that I'd messed up and done something to lose my beloved... I just hope he finds whatever reassurance he needs to find before I lose hope. I love you Josh.