Fuming
Ok, so I lied... I simply don't have it in me to make a positive post this evening... I feel like there's a huge hole inside me. I'm simply overstressed this week. I feel terribly weighed down, and trust me these shoulders can take a lot before they reach their limit, but they are getting close.
I need a little sunshine soon. It's really bothering me not to know what I'm doing this summer, what the next step is... Damn, I haven't been unemployed since I was 13! Technically I could stay on at the zoo as an interpreter again this summer, but I think that grunt work would eat me away inside if I had to do it all again. There is a chance for me to get on show staff and I'll try that. At least then I'd still be at the zoo and working with some animals... Or I could apply somewhere in the area and get some large animal experience that I'll need before I apply for vet school.
And what's left of the hopeful bits of my mind are saying I should try for that internship at the Lewa Conservancy in Africa or the Orangutan Orphanage in Borneo... And I'm trying so hard not to let the embittered side of me talk me out of it.
So we'll see where life takes me, I just don't like feeling so like I've lost the path...
So I guess I'll just have to beat a new one!
Hugz
Ps. I'm just going to stay the hell away from the Fianna board right now, because certain people and their better-then-you, compromise means give it-to-me-my-way-and-no-other-way attitudes are really upsetting me... It just doesn't feel like fun anymore. I was asked for for my help with aos dana, and I gave my version of what I would like to see done and they made it clear that my opinion wasn't wanted thank you. That's fine, I'm used to not getting my share of the cake, but damn I miss Fianna the way it used to be, when it was a family and we had fun.
posted by Hannah @ 10:28 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
We're going to practice tonight. Come beat on me. :) I need to vent, because I'm so tired of clueless people who feel they're so much smarter....ugh.
I'm not helping anymore.
I feel terribly guilty for wandering off and not checking your blog for ages as it seems things have gone to pot since I last checked.
It's absolutely inexcusable that you would be passed over on the internship, but perhaps in a way this is the best way to lose it; there was nothing you could have done. We live in a small state, with small programs, and grandiose ideals are impressed, not actually instilling equality but robbing equal opportunity for everyone. You know what? Blame Taft. It's always the best answer.
As much as I detest the idea of you going somewhere as unstable as Africa, it seems like a fascinating opportunity. Perhaps worth trying.
I cannot assure you that all will turn out for the best, but I know you have the strength to make good out of whatever comes next.
grrr, no practice last night, what a wasted trip. Like I need any more reasons to have arguements. Ugh.
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