42 and nothing more.

I find myself searching for something that I hadn't realized I'd lost. And just when I think I have found it I realize that I have been looking in the wrong place the whole time. How many times will I have to start down a path, realize my error and turn back before I find the right one? It saddens me to think of the places I have turned for happiness, for love. It saddens me to think I have never truly found either but have only been fooled, been fooling myself. Mayhaps I have yet to find it because it does not exist, at least for me anyhow. But can I go on without hope of ever being loved? It seems to me essential to living, essential to the very shining of the sun.

Or perhaps hope is not really lost but is working on a different scale of time than I. Life goes on as always and I need to simply be who I am and nothing more. I refuse to be cheapened any longer by desperation and loneliness. I will now learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. I deserve to be chased and won, not used and dropped. There are so many things in life that make me truly happy. There are so many people who truly love me. I refuse to put these at risk for something so unsure, so misleading. If, in fact, I do stumble across true love one day then I will be truly lucky indeed. But no matter what happens, I will be happy within myself.

And there will always be huggles. =)