Who am I?

So I have been rather lonesome lately... Anyone who has talked to me about relationships in the few month knows that... I even found myself lowering my standards in an effort to aquire acceptance and companionship. But I got a smack in the face tonight when I realized that one of my friends that I was talking to online actually thought I wanted to have sex with him when he comes to visit next month. Where have my standards gone that I am flirting so mercilessly to get attention that people think I am a whore?!

And sure I have nothing against sex or anything, I've had my share of careless fun, but it doesn't hold a candle to an intimate relationship. I miss having someone I know completely in my arms. I miss inside jokes and pet names. I miss calling someone everynight at least to wish them sweet dreams. I miss knowing that I am special enough to have someone who wants only me. Alright I'll stop whining and finish explaining.

The other shot of high emotion that I got tonight was seeing my lil sis with her new boy that came over to visit her. He's my age and a totally cool guy. Seems intelligent, attractive, very into music and has great talent singing and on both guitar and keyboard, only down is that he plays online games (bleh). Well, not to say that I'm interested, because obviously I would never hurt Kelsey like that, but the fact is I should be meeting cool guys who will sing with me and go out for Chinese with me and instead all I ever do is study and work and be pathetic the rest of the time because I am apparently incapable of attracting anyone who is interested in even slightly more than just sex from me...

Sigh...

Ok I vented...

Sorry...

*Huggles*