Confuzled

I do not understand. I thought I wanted a boyfriend. I thought I was tired of being lonely. I thought that if I just found a spark I could run with it and be happy... I guess I really am just broken. Twice in a row now I have been on dates with guys who are intelligent, cute, funny, and interested in me and I definitely liked them both! But, for some reason I just get the urge to run away. I just get this urge to shake hands and be friends. I don't want to get hurt, I don't want to hurt them, and I still want to hang out! Just the kissy close stuff really intimidates me right now and I don't know why because I thought that was what I wanted. I do not like the idea of deciding to be in a couple with someone before you even know them. Sure the sexual attraction might be there, but that is not what I base my relationships off of... I need to know that our personalities are compatible. I think I'm just a scared little girl when it comes to guys. One that flinches in the face of the next abusive episode. I think I put too much duct tape on my heart after each bad break this past year and a half and have finally created an impenetrable wall.

Sigh... Or perhaps I just haven't met anyone that I am supposed to be with and don't want to date just for the sake of dating someone...

I just don't know.
Sigh.