Wandering Warmth and Worry

I slept 12 straight hours last night without even waking once. If I hadn't been so asleep, it would have been orgasmic. Strange how much I enjoy being unconsious. Sometimes I even set my alarm early so I can enjoy going back to sleep. Am I masochistic?? I am just now remembering part of a dream my mind wandered through. We lived in a trailor and then one day a giant hamburger appeared next door. It was taller then 3 houses and we excavated into it and reinforced it with walls and ceilings and lived in rooms in this giant hamburger! Strange, I wonder if it had pickles?

The warm weather this past weekend made me want to play in the grass. I wanted to dance in the rain. I wanted to have a picnic. What are the chances of it staying this nice for camping next weekend???

Warning: The rest of this post is mindless whining about silly things. It makes me feel like a 15 year old again... Please do not read it unless you want to be bored with uninspired writing and my stupid emotional problems.

When I was in high school, before I started going out with Josh and Kurt, everyone called me a tease. I enjoyed flirting with guys and my best friends always told me they were jealous of how popular I was. When I started dating I toned it way down because I focused my attention on my boyfriend. Then when I broke up I lacked all confidence and did not think I was attractive because I had gained weight so of course very few guys were interested because I was shy and awkward. I have recently regained my confidence and have been taking the world full storm... and have remembered the downsides of being so magnetic. I love attention. I love people. I love nights out and hanging with large groups of friends and playful flirting. What I do not like is being confused because several guys express interest in me at once and even more I do not like having to hurt any one of them ((add in the new dynamic of not knowing whether to act upon my feelings for certain females and I am losing it)). It also drives me nuts that I cannot talk to my friends about any of it because they get mad that there are always so many guys after me or they are just tired of hearing it. I don't want to be annoying, I just want to enjoy life, enjoy my friends, enjoy flirting. I would like a boyfriend but I do not want to date just for the sake of dating and I do not want to get emotionally involved if I do not know for sure whether they are my type or not. Plus I do not know if I really have time right now!!! I am not sure what point I am really trying to make with this ramble other then I am not sure if I really enjoy all the attention I have been getting lately. I do love being completely confident again though. If I date one of these guys will I lost that again? Am I too social??? Am I making the wrong decision in not choosing to date one of these guys? There is one that I am really developing feelings for but it scares me. Sigh... Well I feel better having written this all down. I like having an all purpose confessional and shoulder to cry on in one. And the best part is, no one can complain about how annoying this is to hear because I warned you not to read it. Hah!

I went out to dinner tonight with some friends from work. I really am glad to work at the zoo. Besides the good atmosphere and experience, I have met some of the coolest people in the world. Victoria is my hero. I love people who show such passion for life and learning! And Sarah is one of the coolest, sweetest chicks I have ever met. I want to deck Dave for disrespecting her, not to mention Rusty for not being at all worthy of Vic. I hate it when guys treat my friends badly. I wish I could do something to make it all better. Like castrate the bastards with a large rusty axe. Why do the best girls always let themselves be hurt by the worst guys?

Huggles to the world and especially to my girl friends!