Ok so, I've made the decision. I'm going to go see my doctor about medication for clinical depression. I've talked to him about it a little before, especially when I went on the birth control for the anemia and the hormones started throwing me off, but we decided to wait and see if it got better... And obviously it hasn't. Instead it has manifested in a terrible sadness whenever I'm not with Josh and anxiety to the point that I can't get my studying done... And I'm sick of it. I miss the old me, the real me. The one who glittered and shined and lit up the room when she smiled. I miss smiling and I miss the energy I used to have. I'm also going to cut my hours at work when I start school in January again. Hopefully by then I'll have the money for my down payment saved up. I should. But the money just isn't worth the stress that the time constraint is putting on my body and my school work.

So, I'm taking a big step in hopefully the right direction. Depression is something I've managed to fight off for a good length of my life and I refuse to let it conquer me like it did my siblings and mother when they were my age. I'm stronger that it, even if the strength comes simply from realizing that I need the help. And I do...

Huggles and sunshine!