So, practically through shear pathetic begging power, I've convinced my boyfriend that he does not want to abandon me.

I think letting go of a bit of our commitment for now may be good for me. I'm trying terribly hard to train myself to be more mindful of the way I'm acting; towards him and towards others. I'm going to try to be non-chalant about our relationship and concentrate more on just being relaxed more of the time. I promised him I'd try to go to practice again and interact with other people so I'm not so dependent on him.

He picked me up from work and we went out to lunch together. I really enjoyed just joking around with him in that easy way he has of doing so. But I am slightly thrown off by the fact that he didn't seem to want to kiss or touch me, and totally rejected any idea of cuddling or intimacy. It was probably just that he was in a strange mood today as he said, but I hope it's not just because he really doesn't care to be with me like that anymore.

I'm just not going to worry about it and give him time.