So chemistry class just now was being taught by a guest lecturer. She was one of Dr. Ziegler's Grad. students. She said hello and I was instantly excited at the prospect of her melodic accent. From that first word it sounded british or australian and I was anticipating a wonderful lecture taught by an attractive and captivating woman with a beautiful accent. But after a few words, it was clear her accent was in fact russian or middle eastern and not at all melodic. In fact, it prevented me completely from paying any attention to the lecture and my thoughts strayed elsewhere.

My mind began to think about all the male attention I have attracted within the past few days and how wonderful it feels to make me feel wanted again. I have been awoken to the exciting feel of a light caress, a sensual massage, a well played wrestling match, a much needed hug, and most of all.... the wonderful intellectual conversations I've been graced with and the poetry sharing with Nitzche that I find so gratifying. It is so fulfilling to have people that make me feel wonderful again. I don't know how I ever survived 2 years in that relationship with Josh, I really was starved for attention. Unfortunately though, now that my tastes for such attention have been awoken, I'm having a hard time ignoring them. My body is still humming from all the electricity from my excursions last night. Though that may be partially adrenaline from no sleep.

I simply crave to be touched right now. I keep getting flashes of thoughts about sensual caresses or the shiver of lips against my neck and it totally is throwing me off today. I'm not used to being so super charged. I really don't know what to think, whether to simply enjoy it, ignore it, or stop it.

I think I may go Kareoke singing this evening like Matt invited me to... I know my parents don't want me to though since I didn't sleep last night. Amazingly though, none of them would have known that I didn't get home until 6 am if I hadn't told them... Should I tell my mom I have a crush on a 30 year old though? Or that I really am enjoying spending time with Kurt again, which she is very wary about... I don't know, I hate not sharing everything with her but I think maybe I should just keep it to a minimum till I figure out I truly feel.

Confused huggles!