Cracking

Alright. I have finally snapped under the pressure of juggling school and emotional stress and trying to keep the two separated. I was just sitting in a lounge on the bottom floor of the Student Union and looked up through the window into the Planet Underground (game store) and who do I see but my ex boyfriend. No. It can't be him could it? He would not be working in Akron! I am hallucinating. I have finally lost it and am seeing people who aren't really there. Besides computer geeks all tend to look alike right?

And besides, why should it matter? Why is this affecting me this way. Even if it was him... I am shaking?! Why does he still have this effect on me???!!!

I really wish I could just cut away my feelings for him. These days it is nothing more then necrotic baggage. It's obvious he doesn't see me as anything more then someone to use for sex when he gets desperate. He wants nothing to do with me other then that. I'm not even sure if he is physically attracted to me anymore... How can I feel such a connection to him when he has long since cut his end of the line? Why does this still hurt me after more then a year?? Why is he the only one I truly feel passionate for?! Why am I shaking?!

I am falling apart. I have been attempting to deal with these feelings, these memories, this pain for more then a year now... Why have I made no progress? Why do I have no answers? I am so afraid that this will never stop hurting. I wonder if he ever thinks of me.

So much for concentrating on organic chemistry...
I really wish I had someone to hug right now.
What is wrong with me?!