Broken Horns

Sorry no resolutions yet... My day was spent in sleep and depression. About two hours after I feel asleep this morning, I was awoken by gigantic crash. One of the shelves that I constructed during remodeling this summer had fallen off my wall, bringing all the posessions displayed there with it. I still haven't figured out what made the top screws on the brackets come loose, causing the shelf to tilt. Perhaps a cat finally tried to climb on it or the insect collections I added a week ago were just too much weight. In any case, it was the longest shelf and I knew I ought to have put at least one more bracket under it. Now I am just paying for that ill planning.

The ostrich and emu eggs were shattered of course, but easily replaceable from the zoo. The insects are miraculously all in one piece inside their cases except for a leg that fell off the praying mantis and a few that rotated on their pins. I haven't examined a lot of the little things closely but they all seem to be fine. The one piece that did break, broke my heart along with it. The rhino sculpture I bought in Africa did not fare so well. His horn is snapped in half and he is missing the tip of his prehensile lip. I know it is merely a material thing and I ought not to let it effect me but I cried piteously for an hour. Since then looking at it I think I can fix it somewhat. I scoured the floor for the broken pieces and will do my best to restore him.

After crying myself to sleep, I dreamt of coming across a poacher's kill in Africa. A beautiful black rhino with gunshot wounds in its thick skin, lying dead. Its horn and lip had been hacked off and the rest left to rot. In my dream, I fell on my knees and cried. If I can't protect a simple wood sculpture then how do I expect to save the real things?! I am overreacting, I know. It just smacked me in the face with the repercussions of my actions in conservation. If I fail a simple carpentry project at home, I break my treasured mementos, but I can recover with no harm done. If I fail to protect a species, individuals die, species go extinct. Game over. No glue can fix that. I am terrified.

But I know that is no reason to give up. The mentality of not failing by not trying is one of the biggest falacies in the universe. Not trying in this case means the probable doom of countless species and habitats. I may not make a difference, but I am certainly going to try. I am not perfect, as much as I want to save the world, I know my efforts alone won't do it. But I still have to try and at least save what little I can. And Morani my warrior rhino will forever be my inspiration.