First of all, I love you. That's one of the strongest feelings I have.

Following that is confusion. I guess parts of me still don't grasp the concept of "a break".

A large amount of pain is in the equation as well, coupled with equal parts of loneliness.

I feel unwanted and therefore useless. I keep hoping some cute guy at college will sweep me off my feet, just to alleviate my sense of worthlessness, but no one pays any attention to me in that way. I even tried flirting, but alas, I really suck at it these days.
S
ure, maybe I did overreact a little today. So I had a little tantrum... It just stings to be focusing all your inner will and attention on an individual and have him pay no return. I remember now why I quit going to practice, because I felt constantly overshadowed. No offense to you, but I remember having the same problem when I was dating Madog.

I'm selfish. I want attention. I deserve attention. Don't I? Should I not come to practice? Wednesdays seem to be our bad days.

I really do appreciate the calls you've been giving me the past few days. And the lunch last friday was wonderful. But again, I'm selfish. I feel abandoned because you obviously don't schedule times to see me anymore... But what did I expect? Maybe I just wish I had a date to look forward to or something.

And when you called me the other day and were telling me how bored you were because all the people you wanted to do things with were unavailable, I couldn't help but hear this little voice whimpering in the dark voids of myself that said but what about me?! I'm bored and alone too, don't you want to spend time with me!? I'm here for you!

Again, I'm sorry you have to deal with this but I still am not completely happy with the situation and it's inevitable that I'm going to crack now and then under the pressure of not being allowed to express my love to you fully.

Maybe this is so hard to get across to each other because our role models were so different. My parents have never really had any other friends. They were completely dependent on each other basicallly. No social life. And I would be fine with just having you. But your parents were totally different and so are you.

I guess... I just want to feel special, and I'm afraid you'll never decide to finish being a teenager, because, why would you want to? I love you, teenagerness and all. I just want to be with you. I want you to be mine and hug me and tell me you love me and get excited when I show up at practice... I want you to make me feel like you used to make me feel, all bright and shiny, like nothing could ever go wrong in the world as long as we were in love.

I love you.
I miss you.
I'm sorry.
Please want me again soon.
~Hannah!~