Ickers

Well... What can I say about today. It wasn't all that pleasant. I worked my buns off at work and I will leave out the few choice words I have about my co-workers of present. I felt frustrated and lonely and couldn't wait to get home. Not to mention I had a splitting headache and that damn dope of a dwarf wouldn't stop whistling as all through the work day he went.

Bah, I find myself being very irritable lately and I wish I could stop. I have snapped at my family a lot this past week and I feel bad about it but everytime I determine to be better, I open my mouth and out comes the anger again. I wonder if it is stress or lack of adequate sleep... I find lately that I toss and turn for hours before I manage to grasp unconciousness. It is highly frustrating to know I am exhausted and lay there awake despite.

Hmm, I am all negativities here aren't I. Perhaps I should make a conscious effort to think of something positive. Oh, I went to see my Dad's band last night finally. Eric went with me. I was less emotional than I thought I would be knowing I had not been there since I was still with Brandon. It was one of favorite places in the world... I couldn't quite bring myself to go down on the boardwalk though, perhaps a feat for next time. I really enjoyed myself though.. Maggie and Lane showed up and it was nice just to sit and soak in the rhythm.

Eric and I had a little talk about our relationship today. He went back to the wanting more of me discussion last night and I just can't... I won't open myself to that pain again. I am lost as to how to handle this because I care about him, as a friend, and don't want to hurt him. So remove the source of the troublesome emotion right? But that would mean losing our friendship and that is the last thing I want. He promised to try to control his feelings to preserve our friendship but I have my doubts as to how healthy that is for a person... Sigh, nothing is ever simple these days and I guess we shall see where life takes us.

On that same note, the idea of me being in a relationship keeps coming up this past week and I am getting tired of it. I have made up my mind not to care about such things right now but it seems I can't go a day without a friend bringing up the topic of me finding a guy. Do I have to have a boyfriend, crush, love to be complete? Sure when the relationship is going nicely, it is amazing. But once it goes downhill I feel lost and empty and have to pick up the pieces once again and it's just not worth it. But oh well, I just wish I could focus on other things instead.

Well, I will try to have a more positive day tomorrow. Plans are to start off right by getting up early and jogging. Attempts at this have failed the past two days so wish me luck!!!
And if nothing else, the break in my routine of classes starting Tuesday should give me the pick me up I need to climb out of last week's rut.

Huggles!