Comforting Loneliness

I had meant by now to post a long entry about how wonderful my holiday was. I have dozens of pictures of Christmas dinner preparation and presentation that I was going to post for your viewing pleasure. I planned to extol upon the joy of spending a few days just enjoying time with family members. It was simply lovely! And perhaps sometime in the next few days I might get around to writing those words that filled my head between Christmas carols.

In the meantime, I am struck this evening with an inexplicable sense of loneliness. Not the unbearable, heart breaking sort of loneliness that afflicts me from time to time. But a calm, resigned loneliness that whispers in my ear in the darkness as I listen to the rain fall outside my apartment window. As I lay in bed the absence of any companion cradles me like a lovers' presence and a tear that rolls down my cheek is the sweet moisture left from a kiss. I get the urge to run naked outside through the December rain. I imagine that every rain drop would feel like a kiss, the sky leaning down and the stars brushing their lips over every inch of me. I read recently that cold showers can be a cure for depression. The thought of it exhilarates me.

And in the silence of the evening, a cat climbs onto my shoulder and his purring fills my ear, reassuring me with his unquestioning friendship. I owe so much to the simple yet intrinsically complicated beauties of the world. And he doesn't seem to mind as my tears fall upon his soft mane.

Thank you.