I think I may just be the only person in my circle of friends that is home alone doing calculus homework on Halloween. How pathetic. Even the ugly creatures get to party tonight, what does that say about me?!

Sigh... sorry Josh for pms-ing at you... I'll figure out my nuerosis someday. Maybe in the meantime you'll put up with me or even figure out how to fix me. (Hint, please try!)

Priorities just to remind myself:

Keeping College Grades up
Applying to Colleges
Scholarship apps
Work
Saving money for Car
Fixing up House

And AFTER this, worry about my social life... God I wish Josh was at the top of this list.

Woohoo! My paper is done! And I finally got to see Josh after 3 days of torturous loneliness. Words cannot express how much I love him. Well Time for bed... sooner I sleep, 1.)more sleep I get 2.)sooner school is over tomorrow 3.) Sooner I can spend more time with Josh.

First full day off work in 2 weeks tomorrow woohoo!

~Huggles!

I'm really honestly confused with myself. My discussion with Josh last night rammed an issue in front of my eyes that I've been ignoring... He honestly is the only person that I really have any desire to hang out with. And he doesn't think that that is normal. It's not? My mom and dad have very few friends beside each other and they don't mind... maybe I learned it from them. Now that I'm out of high school the only people I associate with are the few people that I talk to at college and those at work. Plus my family plus a few assorted friends but not many now that I can't find time to make it to practice... And the only person out of those that I really completely enjoy spending time with is Josh. I don't get it. I used to have best friends and I used to hang out with other friends... What happened to me? Josh hangs out with other people all the time and therefore doesn't seem to mind his separation from me as much. It kills me inside to be away from him because I'm just lonely. Lord, what would I do if we ever broke up? I would be so alone... There would be no one for me to call... And what am I going to do when I go to Columbus and he goes away to college too? I'm never going to get to see him. I think I'll die. Why do I construct these tortures for myself? I always complicate my life... Besides work and school, Josh is my life... I think about him constantly. I dream of him. Seeing him is one of the rare things I look forward to. But why only that? Why don't I enjoy doing the things I used to do? Josh doesn't think it's normal. I'm a little sick of being abnormal. And damnit I'm sick of being lonely most of the time.