So I was feeling rather stagnant last night, and decided I needed to do something to get my blood moving. So, I went jogging... and promptly remembered why I never do things like that. I hate asthma. But, I'm going to go jogging everynight now nonetheless. I figure I deserve the punishment and I really do need to get in shape. Especially if I plan to be trapsing around in the field tracking gorillas or cheetahs someday.

Sigh, god I can't wait till I actually get to feel liek I'm making a difference.

I really need a hug...

I'm doing rather much better today... I think the storm outside has helped relieve the hurricane I was feeling inside. It has had a very cathartic effect on me today. The throbbing pain inside my chest has subsided to the point where I don't even notice it most of the time. I think I'm past the worst.

As a matter of fact, I'm feeling almost giddy about not being miserable anymore. Walking between buildings on campus just now, I found myself highly amused at the way the wind was trying to pry my umbrella out of my hand. I could not stop myself from giggling out loud! I'm sure that several of my peers now think I'm insane because they all gave me strange looks before going back to their own gusty struggles but hey, who cares... It feels good to laugh. =D

Silly me, I should have known... I felt it coming from miles away. But I hung on to the desperate hope that maybe I was worth something to someone... Oh well, on with life.

Damnit the jerk just HAD to do it the night before my first exam too! I feel so washed out right now... I need a hug.

No, he really is right. We wouldn't have been compatible in the long run... I want to travel and save the world and he... doesn't care a drop about those things. So now I'm free to be me. And maybe someday I'll be lucky enough to find a guy that is strong enough and wonderful enough to share my passion. Yea, I'll be lonely for a long time, I'll miss hugging and cuddling and feeling wanted and protected. I'll miss having someone to call and say good night to every night. I'll miss the security and intimacy of being in love. But I've got bigger things to focus on...

We've simply parted ways because our paths went in different directions. I want to think you still love me. I want to think that I really am wonderful enough to have a great guy like you. And I want to scream and yell and punch things because this simply sucks!

But I'm going to move on with life and hopefully manage to be a normal 18 year old for a while.
(Hah! I'm not sure the word normal even belongs in the same room as me...)

Sigh, that seems to be the word of the day. Sigh... It's an interesting word. An Onomatopoeia to be exact. A release of air. An expression of content, frustration, or in my case today, sadness. I'm feeling slightly empty. Maybe I've sighed one too many times and let go of something important, something that I shouldn't have lost. I do in fact feel like I've lost something, or am missing something... In the back of my mind I can feel the tears constantly streaming. And the feeling that my heart is reaching for something, pulling itself out of my chest in an effort to make the contact that it so desperately strives for...

I hope someday I'll find what I'm missing. Right now I'm going to go and bask in the sunshine and see if it comes to find me.

So, I'm back from Philedelphia. I had a great time! I met so many awesome people and their zoo was phenomenal. I have lots of homework to catch up on now though. Sigh... And as expected, I'm broke for the moment. Double sigh... But it was worth it. I needed the vaction and I enjoyed it immensely. I feel very refreshed now too.

Well off to catch up on homework. Yay...