Wooooo! I just got back from our first performance of the play. It went so outstandingly well!!!! I'm so pumped! The audience loved it! I love acting! It was so fun! I'm at Shub's now waiting for my boy... Gonna go wash this stage makeup off right now though... I look somewhat like a cheap hooker. =)

Ecstatic Huggles!!!

It's really funny how you can be flying really high, totally hyper and happy and then all of a sudden an engine burns out and you smash into he ground with tears dripping from your face like blood... I guess it was just too much to think I copuld stay happy for 2 days straight... Hah! I'm so sick of my emotions... Maybe if I tore out my heart I wouldn't hurt so much. Yea I know I'm being dramatic but that's how I feel right now... I miss Josh... I miss... being shiny Hannah all the time... I miss having a reason to constantly be happy... I miss having things to look forward to... I miss not being let down everyday about things I'm excited about...

I miss Josh...

I had such a wonderful day yesterday. Despite my terribly long day of school and my stupid partnerless dancing in choir.... But fighting was fun, there were tons of people there including some old friends that I haven't seen in a while. And I got to see Josh. My wonderful, excellent, sweet, perfect, hottie Josh. I love him sooo much. Sigh and I don't know when I'll see him next because I've got the play Friday and Saturday. =) I'm so excited and trying not to be nervous. Oh well, I shall do as I do and see him when I see him. =)

In the meantime...
Sunshine and Huggles!
And I love Josh!

I'm currently being lectured by a newbie about my shortcomings as a herald. Oh the humanity. Does no one at all respect me as a fighter? I've been fighting for more then 3 years now and this kid has been here for 2 months and thinks he needs to school me?! I'm hurt... and it isn't the first time either. I find myself constantly passed over in Rausumea... Am I invisible, a bad fighter, repulsive? I don't get it!

BLARG!!!!

Substance... I crave substance... Screw the physicality of life... That fades, it's there and then you loose your grasp on it. I want intellectual fulfullment. I want to sit and talk for hours on the phone even if it's about nothing.. I want to debate things like I used to... I want to talk... I want to know you... I want to know everything about you... I don't really know you...

Sigh.. this nonsensical rant brought to you by my jumbled thoughts...

Yep, I'm a bad kid... Stayed home from school today for no reason what so ever. Well, I guess maybe there was a reason... I was simply terribly depressed and very stressed out and ya know what? I needed a break. So, I took one. Sigh, I'm a bad kid. I'm feeling a little more alive now though so I guess it worked. I just need something positive in my life. Nothing is constant enough for me to cling to... And no one ever encourages me anymore. Sigh. Welcome to the real world, population: too many which translates into you not mattering anymore. Sigh.

I miss Josh. I didn't even get a hug goodbye from him yesterday... sniffle. Well, hopefully I'll get to see him on wednesday, if choir doesn't go too late that is.

By the way... Prom was a blast! And Josh looked so awesome! I had so much fun with him.

Well... off to sit alone and think about stuff....
Huggles

*Drowning in a puddle of tears* I keep trying to reach for someone to pull me up but I'm slipping, sinking, everything's going dark... All I want is a smile, a hug, a warm word... So alone. What a terrible way to end such a wonderful weekend.