Cumulative Catharsis

Yet another day commences and yet another day finds me feeling a little off. When I worked out this morning I felt dizzy and fatigued. I worry that I am getting sick. Every hour or so I feel the urge to cry, usually when I think of organic chemistry or certain other stresses that are weighing on my heart. I yearn for sunshine and warmth. For the smell of campfires and bellydancing to the throbbing heartbeat of carefree enjoyment. I cannot even pick up a sword and swing it to release my pain because I am afraid of injuring my wrist further and do not know when I will manage to get to the doctors.

Perhaps some of this pent up depression is due to my lack of blogging over the past few days. Feeling the words flowing over my lips and caressing my perceptions always serves as a pick me up. What has happened since the last time I posted?

Sunday was a beautiful day. The sun strained with all its might to warm the cold ground in preparation for the vernal equinox. The air still held a tinge of frost but the world knew it was time. As I walked around the zoo I could not help but smile noticing the geese had paired off, the white storks were sitting proudly upon their large flat nests, and the cinereous vulture male warned me from watching too closely as he gathered bedding for his mate and, with a comical hop jump movement, presented it to her and fluffed it around her body as she nested. The giraffes frolicked in pure ecstacy at being outside and I felt the same urge deep within.

After work, I again went out with my co-workers in what is becoming a weekly tradition of sorts. I broadened my cultural culinary horizons by trying lentil soup, hummus, and falaffel. These delicious novel delights were outshone only by the raspberry smoothie and strawberry casada cake. And those were topped only by the wonderful company and conversation. It is never a dull moment hanging out with zoo people.

I came home ready to fall into a deep contented sleep and was going to even forgoe my habitual internet check, but on a gut feeling decided to log on briefly. I will not go into details here as to what I read except to say that I afterwards slept fitfully and since then have had a pit the bottom of my stomach. I will go so far as to say I truly do not understand the nature of emotion. How can one feel as if in love with another and yet not think of them first when in need of comfort? I have failed in my duty as friend. Please! Anyone who knows me and even those of you who don't. If you are EVER in need of help or comforting or advice or a shoulder or just someone to listen, I am here for you! I will not judge you and it will not be a burden upon me. I am always here for my friends. I care about you all to much not to be.

I had an appointment with my organic chemistry professor yesterday. He convinced me not to quit quite yet. I can still drop after the third test if things do not look up. And since I am planning on retaking the classes next year anyways, I may as well get my money's worth of foundation this year. He gave me the number of a tutor and a supplemental textbook. We shall see where this goes. In looking over my test with him, it seems that I really am doing fairly well on the tests... I just want to be above average and not riding with the crowd... I need to get A's on these next two tests and perhaps I could get a B in the class. Wish me luck, I will try not to be too stressed.

I am slightly worried about my Keelyn. My lovely slender and fair albino corn snake. She is not acting like herself this past week and yesterday she ignored the sacrificial mouse. Last time I fed her, the little brute bit her on the head and twice on the body. She still bears the scars but they will fade with her next shed. I worry that perhaps she has an underlying infection or emotional scars that won't shed so easily. Or perhaps she is just a little late in her hibernation cycle. It seems weird that she would slow down now, just as the light cycle is starting to increase but one never knows with reptiles. Coldblooded, slow metabolismed, and beautiful.

And today I just feel off. The lingering remnant or perhaps nagging precursor of a migraine hangs behind my eyes and all I wish to do is curl up and start my hibernation late as well. If I can hold out, hope comes next week with Spring Break. It is a light on the horizon but I fear that it will be overshadowed by the clouds of catch up studying and excavating the hole I call a closet. But then I embark upon the 8 hour trek to Illinois for the sweet release of fighting and partying. Upon return I have nought but my reinstatement to Show Staff at the zoo to look forward to.

Life is good and I know it. I am beautiful and intelligent and successful. I just wish I could drain these tears from my heart before they threaten to drown me again.

Huggles!