Thud

I feel mentally impotent and wholely unconfident this week. Something has shaken loose within me and I can hear it rattling around. I do not know how to fix it and this endless noise will surely drive the last shreds of sanity from me. I can ignore it if I find mindless entertainment but as soon as I attempt any long straight of intelligent pursuit I can feel an angry buzzing within me. I am discontent and jittery. Stressed, overloaded, dejected, and scared. Obviously there is something I should be attending to that I have overlooked and the universe is flashing my check engine light. Perhaps I just need to step back and reanalyze. More likely I will just push through it head on like the stubborn force I am.

Perhaps I have a vitamin deficiency. Most likely a sunlight deficiency mediated vitamin deficiency. Or maybe my sinus infection is moving into my lungs and sapping energy. Maybe I am broken and craving the one thing I won't allow myself the pleasure of...

Sigh...
Maybe I am just a hopeless broken failure
...
Luckily this hopeless broken failure bounces back pretty well
Just have to hit the bottom first
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
*thud*

Cruel Feedback Loop of Doom

Gimme an s. S! Gimme a t. T! Gimme an r. Oh to hell with it I am stressed! I am so jittery today I cannot sit still. I have so much to finish in such a short time and the time table of my whole career depends on it. I can't clear my sinuses let alone my head. And the stress from needing to finish these projects soon is effectively preventing me from finishing these projects. What a cruel feedback loop of doom!!! My basest instinct is to burn it all, curl into a ball, and sleep until spring. Obviously this will not do... So I must struggle through it, and I know some of my work is sub par because of it. Which of course freaks me out more then anything. I have this oddity where I would rather not turn something in at all then turn it in imperfect. I am intellectually satomasochistic. Put me out of my misery please!!!

And who the hell willingly chooses to be an entomologist?! I mean seriously people, go out and get layed already! If I have to identify one more diptera by the number of bristles on their hyperpleuron I may lose it and go buggy. Get it? Buggy? Hehehe. Damnit ok so Diptera are insects not bugs but whatever. I officially am a loser. Why did I take this class?!

Buggles...
I mean Huggles! Damnit!

Blarg

I knew it was coming but I had hoped that it would hold off awhile longer... I am sick. The sinus infection that has been mildly annoying me finally took hold into my chest. Blarg, I am dead. Or at least feel like it... I slept until 5 PM today I am so exhausted. Fighting for 3 hours in the cold and rain yesterday probably didn't help boost my immune system either. I had a good time at the bonfire though and the training was a good start into the ass-kicking it is going to take to become a knight.

Well, I am off for chicken noodle soup and perhaps more sleep.
I need to get better ASAP, despite my recent increase in so called free time, I still do not have time to be out for long.

I would say huggles but I fear I am contagious ;)