Broken as Usual

Well its been life as usual, meaning nothing is as usual. It is strange. Some parts of life I understand so bluntly and integrally that I breeze right through them. But there are a few very important parts that just leave me stumped. It's like I hit a road block and have no idea how to go around so I just sit in front of it, hoping that triple A will come with roadside assistance and enlighten me. Love, relationships, trust, physical intimacy.... I can't seem to work out the kinks...

Anyhow, I'll just keep ignoring it I guess. It seems to work for the most part except for when I get stupid. Or for example, my friends all gang up on me to set me up with one of their friends... Long story short, he's a nice guy and who knows, maybe I'll get another good friend out of it. I honestly can't see it becoming more knowing the state of my emotions lately. Poor guy though, I hate to get his hopes up just to have him realize I am broken...

Sigh.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Today does not bode well for the rest of the season. I have been freezing all day. Sitting in class, it was all I could do to keep my fingers and nose warm. And everytime I walked outside I wanted to cry it was so cold. It doesn't help of course that Akron's Campus is a friggin wind tunnel. It just bites right through to the bone. I! Hate! Cold! It just makes me want to curl up in my bed and not come out till spring. With some good books maybe. And hot chocolate. And someone warm to cuddle with. Mmmmmm.... Hot chocolate! lol

Huggles! Haha! You fell for my devious trap! Now I am never letting you go and I will steal all your body heat! Mwahahahaa! Give me all your thermal goodness!

Happy Thought of the DayBaby Sloth Huggles!!!

And as cute and delighting as that picture is, I am still having a rather bad day. Blah. I need to go catch more insects and desperately don't ever want to have to ever again. I have no idea where to go to catch these particular ones or when I will possibly have time. Not to mention the fact that it is cold and I have no gauruntee that they are even still out and about. Damn damn damn!

So as is customary when I am in a bad mood due to having to much work to do, I am procrastinating. Because that makes logical sense of course...

I would give you huggles but after that sloth, mine just wouldn't compare...

Nightmares

If it is not one thing it is the other. I have swung full spectrum and now that I can sleep again it is all I want to do. Now I am having trouble staying awake in class... I have so much to do and I am so stupid that I keep adding things to the list. I really am sato-masochistic. Why else would I put myself through all this? But if I didn't I would be curled up in a ball sobbing on my bed for sure. Yay for insanity keeping me sane. Part of the exhaustion may have to do with the fact that I finally gave blood and then promptly got sick afterwards meaning my system is fighting the infection with minimum resources. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! It's unfortunate that the only thing that keeps me awake and focused happens to be eating. I so badly wanted to start back on my diet this week now that Boo at the Zoo was over... Damn college making me unhealthy.

Anyhow, I dreamt all night of zombies. I woke up shaking and depressed. I tire of these bad dreams. Granted I kind of asked for this one since I watched Dawn of the Dead before I went to sleep last night but anyhow... In a desperate attempt to calm my nerves I hit the snooze and went back to sleep for 15 minutes and it worked! I dreamt shortly of a man. In a way it may have been a more terrifying dream then the zombies, but it was apparently what I needed to feel... Perhaps my mind is trying to tell me something I refuse to acknowledge. The dream was nice but I still don't think I am ready to try to make it reality. Sigh.

Well everyone, Happy Halloween! My costume this year is a stressed, sick college student with way too much on her mind to expend any energy dressing up for class. I know, I am no fun.

Ghoulish Huggles!