Deep Breath

Well, I know I wrote last night that I wasn't sure that I wanted to stay out here after October. I have had a change of heart. I am not sure what relit the passion inside me today... Maybe it was talking to Kenton about keeper jobs or maybe it was Dawn talking about wanting to stay out here, or maybe it was realizing that I only have two more months with the monkeys, but I am suddenly determined to get a full time position at the zoo. There are currently 3 keeper positions open at the zoo. I have been looking at applying for one of them for a few months now, but keep hesitating. At first I thought that it was the wrong thing for me right now because I wanted to travel, didn't want to be tied down. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I can accomplish more within the framework of an organization like the National Zoo then I can on my own. I love the zoo world. I love the people and the animals, the publics enthusiasm and the quirky eccentricities. I love knowing that I am taking the best care possible of an animal. I can help make their lives just a little better while at the same time participating in an education and research program that is helping world wide conservation! I would be immeasurably proud to be a part of such a wonderful thing. I am terribly nervous though. I want this so badly, I am so focused on it now, that I will be very disappointed if I do not get it. I know I would make a damn good keeper. I have the experience and the knowledge, the drive and the passion. I just need to concentrate on making sure they know it too. I am so nervous as I write my application that I am shaking. I haven't wanted anything this intensely in a long time. This is where I find out if all my hard work has been enough. *deep breath* Here goes...

What's next?

I keep meaning to post but getting swept away by life. I cannot believe that we are more then halfway through August already! Before I know it, it will the end of October and the internship will be over. Everyone keeps asking me, what's next? For once in my life, I honestly don't know. I am going to look around a bit out here and see if there is something that can keep me for a bit. I was feeling very strongly about this but now I am wavering. I very much dislike where I am living. My house mates are annoying and inconsiderate and it is such a long commute to the zoo. Plus they are raising my rent. Sigh. So relocation to a more pleasing place would be necessary. I need to save money for next year's trip to Ecuador and hopefully Kenya though and I cannot help but think that the best place to do that would be back in Ohio. Permit me to be emo here for a second as I muse that I feel like I no longer have a home. I quite belong out here but neither can I see myself being satisfied with settling back in Medina... I don't understand the empty ache inside myself and I am at a loss as to how I can soothe it. Dawn is moving back home tomorrow and with her goes any semblance of a close friend out here. Sure, I have a good time hanging out with Jennifer and the handful of volunteers that go out, but I always feel like I am on the edge of things. Ah well, the good news is they keep me busy enough that I hardly have time to notice. I am currently working a 7 day stint while Jennifer is in Brazil. 60 hours + a week, factor in at least 2 hours commute time a day, and you get one worn out Hannah! But I still love it. The monkeys recapture my heart everyday without fail. Being a part of this program fills me with inspiration that it is possible to save them. It can be done. And so I move forward....

Huggles!