MIA no longer

So a friend asked me last night whether I was "finally done with this blog". And this has left me puzzling as to what the motivation behind this statement was. I was under the impression that anyone who read this would be doing so of free will and therefore would not resent the fact that I posted. Quite simply, I don't post here for anyone but myself, though I do enjoy knowing that it helps my friends keep in touch with me. I post here strictly for cathartic reasons. Sometimes I simply have too much weighing on my shoulders and it is easier to deposit it here than onto someone else through verbal means.

So after a very busy and emotion packed week, I finally found some time to sit and bask in the embracing glow of my computer. It seemed like the fitting way to spend this gloomy day.

I feel strangely connected today. My mind is clear and my heart untroubled. The ease of logical processing that I used to experience in my earlier education has returned today reassuring me that I have not lost my mental abilities. I have two weeks of classes left before finals, and then I'm off to Florida for two weeks. And following that I'll be full time on the show stuld be fun and staff at the zoo, meaning my summer should be fun and exciting despite my earlier concerns.

Even though the sun isn't shining today, I certainly am.
Huggles!

Agony

I am so sick of this damn speech tournament, it isn't amsuing anymore. At first the large groups of people and feeling of importance were exciting but it has slowly worn on me over the past 4 days to the point where I may snap if I don't get to do something of real substance.

I adore Emmy and Steph but I have hardly gotten to see them at all because they are competing, Mark is over stressed, and no one else really seems to like my company. It is highly amusing though that for being gay guys, they certainly are fixated on discussing my breasts. Bah! And though Mark wants me to compete again next semester, it's going to be a big decision for me. I simply don't view the amount of work and stress required to compete as being worth the little benefit I would recieve from it. It doesn't apply to my major or my career. And besides, the competition itself is somewhat of a joke, the judging is superficial and subjective. I'll simply have to mull it over for awhile but at the moment I don't see any real motivation to put myself through this torture any longer.

Sigh.

I wish I was at the zoo today talking to people who actually liked me and doing something that actually was interesting and challenging. Just get through today and tomorrow and then it will all be over...

hugsss