De-Junk-ifying

It is astonishing to me how much junk I have amassed in my life. I use the term "junk" loosely in that some of it does have a use and most of it does have a value of some sort, but for the most part it is useless clutter. I spent today sorting through a percentage of my materialism personified and even though I did some judicious pruning, my head is still reeling at the sheer magnitude of stuff that I possess. I wonder, having grown up in a family that was less then well off and knowing early on the value of a dollar spent or a dollar wasted, if perhaps I have developed a mild case of horde-ing. Like my grandfather who lived through the depression and learned in that time that nothing should be wasted, only to then habitually keep every piece of junk mail he was ever sent in his entire life. He refused to throw anything away and in doing so, he not only let himself be controlled by the dump he had created, but he also succeeded in making every bit of it even less useful by amassing it in such a way. I think that I also suffer from the environmentalist's dilemma, knowing that if I don't use it, it will likely end up in the land fill. It is a conundrum, to have or to pitch, to cherish or to let go? The image of the trash monsters from Labyrinth springs to mind. I refuse to be like the old hags who carry the weight of all their worldly possessions on their backs.

So I have chosen to de-junk-ify myself. This of course is not something one can do all at once. I figure I spent the summer ridding myself of my excess junk in the trunk so that is step one. Step two was pruning my wardrobe today. Accompanying the loss of inches on my waist is of course the need to figure out what does and doesn't fit me any longer. This also nicely coincides with the need to figure out what warm clothes I ought to take with me back to Washington. It was rough going for a time, amidst the towering piles of clothes I had scattered about my room, I was tempted for awhile to throw the whole lot out and join a nudist colony. But in the end I pared it down to a large suitcase to accompany me back to DC, two large totes to be stored here for next season, and two huge garbage bags full of clothes that are delightfully too large for me to wear which are now destined for Good Will. It feels great to have conquered my inner pack rat. And it was yet another wonderful reminder of the great changes I have made in my lifestyle. When I come back to retrieve my spring wardrobe next year, I hope to have to relinquish half of it on account of the further thirty pounds I plan to lose. Is it too early to be making New Years Resolutions?

On the coat tails of that success rides the specter of an even larger task. I have decided to allow my little sister and her boyfriend to live in my bedroom while I am away since it is much larger than the room in which they are currently residing. This means however, that all of my belongings need to be packed away and moved to storage. The idea of it really breaks my heart. I put a lot into making this my space last summer when I painted it. I cannot help but smile when I look at the bright green walls. My fairies look pristinely placed next to my bottle and shot glass collection on the shelving I built. And my cacophony of rubber duckies would seem out of place anywhere else. This room is very me; bright, cheerful, cluttered, concentrated, and a little rough around the edges. I have kept a tight hold on this prime piece of real estate for more years than I can remember now. But it seems absurd to me that it sit empty for another six months while I am gone. The thought also occurs to me that I will be more motivated to travel and seek new opportunities if I don't have a place to let myself fully sink into. The bottom line is that I am astonished by how little I have managed to get by on in the past few months. I have been sleeping on friend's couches, living out of a suitcase, and managing just fine! I don't need all these things tying me down. That's not to say that I will be throwing my childhood memorabilia away, let's not get crazy! I will pack away my knick knacks until a time when I am once again ready to settle into materialistic domesticity. And hell, I'll take any excuse to be able to paint more walls bright green, or maybe a nice lavender next time...

Zippers

It has been far too long since I posted a blog. How did you all let me get away with going two weeks without an update? That is an abomination to everything that is my blog.

In truth, I have been burning the candle at both ends and a little from the middle as well. I am surprised I made it this far in as good as shape. I had barely hit the six month and ending mark of the internship as I felt my lungs growing heavy with the inevitable illness. I am amazed that it held off as long as it did. I am also truly grateful that it did as I don't know how I would have managed amidst my crazy 60 hour a week and rarely a day off schedule that I have been managing this summer. So as I am here in Ohio visiting my family and friends for a week, I have spent at least 14 hours of everyday since Thursday in bed. It is marvelous! I think I may have slept more in the past three days then I did all of October. ;)

It is great to see my family again. And my cats are overjoyed to have me back. They are doing their best to aid my breathing my sleeping on my head at night. Can't have my nose getting too cold you know...

I attended a wedding on Saturday for one of my friend's from the zoo. She looked so happy and beautiful, I am overjoyed for her. So many weddings this year really makes me reflect on what I want from life. And I can honestly say that marriage isn't something that I expect to come anytime soon. I hardly know what I want from myself right now, how can I begin to know what I want from someone else? Let alone know it well enough to make a life-long commitment?! Someday, maybe, but not now.

I did reach a major milestone as I was getting dressed for the wedding though. I have shared with you that I have lost 50 lbs over the summer, but the actuality of it had not really sunken in. To the wedding I wore a white dress I bought last spring before Steve and Lane's wedding but originally I had to alter it because it was too small to fit over my torso and bust. I assumed I would never be able to wear it normally because, let's face it, I am not a dainty girl. But when I put it on yesterday, I decided to try to zip it up all the way just for the hell of it. Much to my surprise the zipper went up all the way without any difficulty! I looked amazing and was glowing in triumph all night.

Well there is certainly more on my mind that will undoubtedly find its way to this page soon (I promise for a much shorter hiatus between posts than last time). However, I have a pressing need to pass out from cold and sinus infection induced exhaustion and this is a positive note on which to do so.

Huggles!
~me