Over Loaded and Bound to Break

Well, I will not be online for a week or so... I will miss you all as I am already feeling insanely lonely. I am off to Florida and then Tennessee with my herpetology class. Through the course of this course I have found that while I can make limited academic conversation with these peers, for the most part I do not fit in the clique. I am pretty sure I am in for a lonely couple of days. But it should be worth it for the cool wildlife I shall see, I hope...

It does not assuage my aching heart at all that my darling Brandon couldn't manage to come visit tonight as planned. I know it technically was not his fault that he could not make it but it does not dull the pain any as he is gallavanting with his friends and I am laying in bed with teary eyes. He sounded so unconcerned on the phone, it was hard to believe that he would really miss me. It kind of hurt... But I am trying to let it go because I am sure he didn't mean it... I just miss him so much. I was looking very much forward to just laying in his arms and letting his warmth comfort the pains and the fears and the stress of this week from my mind.

Simply put, I am in a lot of pain. Both physical and emotional... I am not sure why but my leg bones feel as if the muscle is being torn from them strand by strand and it kind of scares me... Not to mention the migraine that I woke up with yesterday that has yet to leave. All I want to do is curl into a ball and cry but instead I will go to bed alone very soon only to wake up in a few hours and embark in a 16 hour drive with complete strangers with not even the comforting voice of my loved one to send me off...

Somebody smack me please... I am being pathetic again. Sometimes it is just so satisfying to whine... I am sure I will have a blast and everything will be alright. And then when I get home I get to play at Midsummer Slaughter. I ought to have enough on my mind to distract me from my boyfriend's absence right? Sigh... Why do I let people effect me so greatly. I should know better then to be so vulnerable. I ought to have learned in the past that I will always be alone in one way or another.

So I am off in search of reptiles, amphibians, and manatees?
I love you and miss you pirate, even if I am slightly miffed at you.
I will miss all you friends as well but I will be back with pictures soon.
See you at all Midsummer Slaughter??!!
Huggles
Snuggles
Bed Buggles
The one and lonely
~me!

It's been awhile...

I am feeling quite... off today. I have been listless and lethargic all day. Not to mention gripping, ripping pains from the inside out and being on the verge of tears periodically. I am tired of this day and want it to end but still have much to do before I can attempt to sleep. And even once I get to that point, I know I will just toss and turn for two hours because that is how it's been for the past 3 nights.

I miss Brandon and due to technology failure will not get to talk to him tonight.
I have managed to screw up my finances royally and because my parents cannot pay me back the money I lent them, it will only get worse.
I only work four days in this pay period which not only means no money but also that Choctaw's training will probably regress.
The summer is flying by and I dont have nearly enough done!
I leave for Florida and Tennessee for my class on Friday and I am so afraid of being bitterly alone. I never fit in with my peers...
I have to memorize 88 species of herp still.
I am fat.

Ok, now I am just being silly. Deep Breath and.... I am over it. Lol. Sometimes all it takes is to write it down and to make a little light hearted fun of myself and I feel better. At least for now that is. I guess I am off to memorize some herp species and cuddle my pillow wishing it was Brandon.

Huggles!