Disconnected

I am feeling strange and rearranged. Upside down and upside out? I go through periods of feeling not quite here, not part of this world, like I am simply going through the motions of existence while part of my mind is off somewhere doing something else that it is not privy to share. Usually I can just ride these out and no harm is done. But I think yesterday it caused me to hurt someone I really care for and for that I feel terrible. He thought I was mad at him, he thought I wasn't there for him. When really, I just felt numb and couldn't get the fog to leave my mind especially when the sharp pains started in my abdomen. I was flipping between doubling over and crying and trying to distract myself by being insanely hyper and silly. I ought to have been holding him and telling him I loved him but I didn't want to be too close because I knew I was going to have to let go too soon again. Was the numbness a subconscious attempt to block the disappoinment? Or am I losing my mind? Or is it because I had a really stressful day at work and was just running away from all thought processes? In hindsight I think it was the last option.

Well... Life goes on and we learn. I hope.
Huggles