Philedelphia
Money
Steve's Grill
Rain
Hoodie
Tikiri

This is a summary of the really awesome post I just tried to publish that the computer ate...
Argh!

So, in about 2 hours I will be leaving for Philedelphia for the weekend. I'm excited though after the trip I fear I'll be flat broke for a little while. I am really terrible with money... That's definitely a skill I need to work on...

By the way, the food at Steve's Dakota Grill is scrumptious. I really enjoyed going there with Josh last night!

Lalala, I wish it would stop raining. I have two more classes to walk to all the way across campus. I was bad though and couldn't stand the cold any longer so I bought a hoodie in the campus store. I love hoodies... I know I probably paid more than I should have but I was cold and now I'm warm and comfy, all snuggled inside my hoodie!

I saw Tikiri in the SU today and yelled hi to him but he must not have seen me. What a bummer... I really need to find out when and where they are practicing on campus now.

I love the small intimacies of our relationship. Dinner was good, overall alright. A little tense at times, true, as a whole. But when I think back and break it down, it's the individual interactions that are making me glow right now. The cute messages written in black crayon on the placemat, the fact that you really didn't want to make me pay but couldn't refuse it either, your shy curiosity about how I would react to certain things.

I'm elated that you like the gift. I was afraid you wouldn't enjoy it... But I thought of you the instant I laid sight on it it. Boxes are always useful things anyways, if nothing else it already stores some of my love for you.

I can still smell you as I sit here typing. It's intoxicating, filling my mind with thoughts of how my lips felt against your neck and how wonderful it was to have myself pressed against your strong body as we said our goodbyes in the car. I love to hear your heart beating and run my fingers over you. I love to look into your eyes and hear you tell me you love me. I cannot doubt it whenit say it that way. I miss the absolute peace of holding you against me for hours while you sleep. Another stress and worry falling away with every rise and fall of your chest.

I have been dreaming of you every night recently. I have woken up reaching out to hug you closer, yearning to kiss your cheek. I have called out your name in passion as I dreamt of things I'd never dreamt before. I yearn for you, but I will respect your choice and wait for you... And when you do decide to partake in what we had again, it will be glorious, because our love will be stronger than ever.

The sun has broken through the clouds. I think Josh and I have finally gotten through to each other! I think everything was getting lost in translation and now we're finally talking in the same langauge. Yay for feeling loved again!

Boredom has seaped its way into every crack of my being. I am so saturated with it that my head pounds in agony. There is nothing entertaining to be done today. The world is gray, the sun doesn't shine, and I simply want to fall into the abyss of sleep.

What good is having a boyfriend when I can't really ever have him? I wonder what is so wrong with me that he really has no desire to be with me... He has full priviledges to everything that I am and yet I sit here, unused, abandoned, forgotten, unwanted... I am nothing to him.

Where is my knight in shining armor? Where is my hopeless romantic. Where is my wonderful boy who adores me and worships me and makes me feel like I'm the only person on the planet worth loving? I thought I had him, but he tricked me. He took my heart and ran away.