Sigh

Well, practice was fun and it was a blast to get out and fight again... I haven't totally lost it yet and I found that I wasn't out of breath like I expected either. Hiking in Africa and around the zoo have really helped me out.

I also had fun actually being social with people my age again but it has left me a little lonely. That might be because I wistfully watched one of my old crushes with his new girl and being absolutely wonderful with her and her daughter and wonderfully witty with me... They are good together though and it's nice to know that someone out there can end up happy. It means it is still possible for me too.

And damnit I wish my laptop would show up already! I want to play.

Sigh again
Desperately in need of huggles
~me

Whine, whine, wine...

Yes please, that might help the splitting headache...

Well, I tried my darndest to enjoy my day off today and it's a good thing because work called and tomorrow is no longer a day off. Sigh. At least keeping myself busy passes the time and the more money I make, the faster I can pay off the money I owe on the trip to Africa so I can take another one.

Today was a hard day because I visited Shirley in the hospital. Shirley is a volunteer from the zoo who has become a very close friend and practically an adopted grandmother. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer while I was in Africa and found out a few days ago that it had spread into her lungs and liver and is terminal. She didn't look very good today. Her face didn't shine the way it used to and she barely had the strength to open her eyes to talk to me. It broke my heart. It just isn't fair that someone who was so full of life and brightened so many people's lives could be struck down like this.

Pancreatic cancer is one that has no chance for survival and is a slow and excrutiating death. I just don't know if I can handle her going through that. It will kill me to see her suffering that much...

Goodness my head hurts... It's times like these that I really wish I had someone to hold me and a shoulder to cry on.

Sigh
Good night and huggles to any and every one who needs it as much as me.