Broken and Yearning

My heart feels broken tonight. Which isn't at all fair because I've kept it closely guarded for quite some time now. But I guess closely guarded for my heart just means pulled a few inches further up my sleeve... Why do I care so much about what other people think? Several times this past week I have heard the sentiment of "Why bother with conservation?" Either they think it is too far gone and not worth trying or they think there is no problem and interfering would merely make it even more "unnatural". This type of thinking breaks me into pieces. The simplest and most gut response I can produce to this is to ask what better is there for me to do? What other task would you have me turn my mind to instead? Undoubtedly something equally as "worthless" and "futile". Who are you to say that my passion, my fight to save that that I love, is any less important than your random meanderings through existence, or your communion with God, or your mission to amass material goods? Who are you to place the value on what ought to exist and what isn't worth saving? Who are you to cut my wings just as I am trying to take flight?

Yes I know conservation is a complicated activity. Mainly because we as a global society have twisted and broken and scattered the pieces and not enough care to try to put them together again. If I can save, or prolong, at least one of those pieces' time here on this planet than I will have accomplished something. I will have extended the time of something that I love with all my being. Perhaps at least long enough to open my children's' heart to its beauty. Perhaps yours as well. In a world where there is so much violence and hatred and pettiness, I am not ready to turn myself from the true and simple beauty that exists around me. You may not agree, and that is your right, but please do not hurt me so openly.

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it. Is this task worth the possible loss of love, of friends, of a family, of my life? Simply, yes. What else is there in life if not passion. This is my passion. I just wish there was someone to share it with at times. My family helps. Especially my mother who feels the same importance of the task. And my father who is ever supportive and always willing to hash out the philosophy. And certain people at work have been instrumental in keeping my hope shining. But I think it would be nice to have someone my age to share this with. Someone who is forging down the same path that I am. Someone that understands exactly my fears and efforts and anxieties and accomplishments. But I have yet to meet anyone like me... And thus I feel alone.

Sigh.

Just another day...

Finally, a VD worth celebrating! I fully understand people's admonitions that Valentine's Day is a commercialized and forced day full of overpriced flowers and tacky decorations. However, I will stick with the thought that it is just another day and as such just another excuse to tell those around you how you feel for them. When I am lucky enough to be in a relationship on Valentine's Day, I use it as an excuse to spoil them and show my love. When I am not that lucky, I instead spend it with friends and family and slather my love upon them instead. And that is what I did on yesterday's snow filled evening. When my little sister's plans for a home cooked dinner with her boy fell through, I saved the day by suggesting we all go out to dinner. So after swinging by to pick up my date (my best friend Dawn), my two sisters, their respective others, and I headed out to Pad Thai in Montrose. There I bought my first drink for myself (Dragonfly martini), we discussed piercings, tattoos, cute boys, cute girls, and rejoiced in the delicious, albeit exotic, food.

After dinner and scrumptious dessert, I headed out to a local bar with Dawn and Asher. Probably not the most responsible decision on a school night but to hell with responsibility now and then! I learned that long island ice teas have a hell of a lot of alcohol in them. After drinking two and starting in on a long beach I was feeling pretty good, though not so good as to make it to school today. Asher did not fair quite as well as I did but managed not to puke in Dawn's car at least... It was fun despite the over inebriation. The three of us had some pretty meaningful conversations, though some of them left me feeling awkward and conflicted... And Dawn met a cute boy that puked in a trash can. Lol! I look forward to such random late nights with good friends in the future, though perhaps with one less long drink of any sorts.

Huggles!
~me

The Wild White Yonder

So no worries friends, I got home from school safely. When they announced they would be closing campus at 3, I emailed Dad and he got off work early to come rescue me. The roads were slushily horrendous. It was (and is) still coming down hard enough to undo any work the few plows I saw got done. We stopped after about an hour of driving and got a bite to eat at Pad Thai in Montrose. Dad bought as a late birthday gift. They have amazing food and the tira misu cheesecake just made the day worth it. Then we were off into the wild white yonder again and it took another hour at least to make it the rest of the way home.

I am highly annoyed that the University waited until 3pm to cancel classes yesterday. They were aware of the forecast the night before and waited until things got horrendous... Plus, if Dad had not been able to get off early, I would have been stranded on campus without even a building to hide in! The good news is that they just announced that they cancelled classes for tomorrow. Which is especially lovely since I was certainly not planning on going regardless. I don't need another day of slip and slide commute.

Anyhow, I am off to pass out and sleep in tomorrow!!!
Huggles
~me!

Reflections on a Snowy Day

The sky outside is blanketed with white and I feel very peaceful and content. Though I fear that I may be coming down with something due to lack of sleep, the past weekend has been worth it. My birthday was even better then I could have expected. Thanks to everyone that sent me kind thoughts or wishes! I have never been more reminded that there are so many people that care about me. I love you all!

So I am officially an adult. About the only thing I am still constrained from due to age is applying for financial aid without a parent's co-sign. *shrugs* Go figure. But anyhow, I find it amusing that I am finally old enough to buy alcohol and I have yet to buy myself a single drink. That is not to say that I haven't imbibed! *smirk*

Friday started with a trip to the mall in which I spent far too much money on clothes that show far too much cleavage. But it felt great and boy do I look great! Later in the day I went shoe shopping with my brother and her girlfriend and bought some killer heels that I think I have finally learned to walk in. She bought me a plastic princess tiara and wand and I wore it while shopping. I was a pretty princess! Later Eric took me out to Shintos Hibachi grill and I ate sushi, drank buddha punch, caught shrimp in my mouth, did a shot that involved yelling, table pounding, and gong banging, and ate ice cream tempura with a sparkler in it. It was a blast! Afterwards we went out to a random bar where many people proceeded to buy me drinks! I even won a game of darts! Which is surprising because boy was I verschnookered! Despite all of which I still managed to get through the next day at work. Saturday night my friends gave me a glass of Southern Comfort to sip at the Av Council Meeting, best meeting ever I must say! And then Sunday I went out with a group of friends from work for margaritas and mexican food. It was delightful to allow myself to be the center of attention for once. Good times indeed!

Oh my, they just announced that classes are cancelled for the rest of the day and I am stuck on campus with the student union closing... This rather sucks as I have no where to go until I am picked up at 6pm. *crap* I am off to figure something out I guess.