Have you ever met someone and been simply stunned by the negativity that they exude? I cannot fathom how someone can hold so much hatred and anger inside themselves to the point that every time they open their mouth they are spewing virulent crap. I feel like it would rot the very soul out of me if I harbored that type of ugly emotion for any length of time. Don't get me wrong, I can get angry, I can rage, I can even feel hatred. But I find it very important to let go of those feelings because they do nothing productive in the long run. I sigh and resign myself to the inadequacies of the universe and the anger slowly turns to sadness. What is the sense in speaking hurtful things, especially to those you are close to? My psychology background would tell me to attribute it more to the situation then to the person themself. But it is hard because now that I have learned to internalize situational causes to defuse my anger, I sometimes forget that most do not. I realize the person in question is going through a hard time. I know I ought not to take the things she said personally. But it hurts. And it is not a one time occurence. For so long as I can remember all I have gotten in return for my friendship are out lashes and insults. Sigh. And so the pit of sadness within me grows and I distance myself from my sister. I hope she can find some inner peace soon.

Leadership

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Sigh of Relief

I finished the rough draft of my honors thesis last night around 3 am. After 8 lovely hours of sleep and a nice lunch out with my mother, I turned it into my advisor. I prefaced it with the fact that I was rather unhappy with the results of my labor and that I felt it needed a lot of work. He, however, thought it was really well done. We talked about things and discussed what needed expanded or added. He was very excited that my data showed a positive trend and is going to see if there is a better way to analyze the data to present that. All in all, it went a lot better then I thought. I hope to have the changes made and the final version ready to turn into my readers in two weeks. It is very validating when my hard work actually pays off! That is a lot of weight off my shoulders!

A Brief Interlude

Tomorrow is the due date for the rough draft of my honors thesis paper. I ought to be working full throttle on it at the moment. I am, however, taking a well needed break (though perhaps not well deserved). I will have it done by tomorrow noonish. It will not be up to my standards and I fear that my advisor will tear it apart. But I will simply have to put it together again. There is nothing a little duct tape cannot remedy!

Speaking of interludes, last night was a good break from the stressful monotony that has been my life with this paper. I had a grand time at my first official St. Patty's day celebration. I went to an Irish club with Chance and drank with a bunch of Avalonians there. I had several lovely Guinesses, though for shame was too full to drink enough to get much of a buzz. Sometimes I really wish I were a light weight! Partying would be a lot less expensive... Amid catching up with old friends and being "disgustingly cute" with a certain tall and handsome man, I really had a great time. It was even worth the long day of little sleep and current state of fatigue in which I am currently.

This week, post paper, promises to be quite a good time. It is spring break, though I fail to see what is so springlike about it. Tomorrow I meet with my advisor (blah) but then get to start on my armor and hopefully paint my shield. Tuesday I am visiting Amish Country with Dawn (don't ask me, I've never been...). Followed by a rousing bout of Avalonian style beat down complete with real Chance hugging action! Wednesday is more armor work and Rausumea practice, preceded by a squire/page project meeting. Thursday is a road trip to Athens to visit Jon and check out tattoos. Friday is more armor work and misc projects followed by a weekend of work and the rescheduled av council meeting. So there is my itinerary, everything you always wanted to know, yes?

Perhaps I should stop procrastinating... Off to pontificate profoundly per the properties of positive reinforcement. Wow, am I bored or what?!

Huggles
~me!