Catharsis

Well, actually, SCA practice seems to be just what I needed! It was a blast to watch the fighting, and even though I didn't pick up a sword yet, I'm practically drooling over it. I'm really excited for next week when Durdel is going to start training me.

I felt really wanted the moment I walked in and even those I didn't know came up to talk to me! I've been lent a helmet until I can get one of my own, my first piece of armor! I'm so psyched! And I totally forgot Dayen would be there. He's such a cool guy. We talked a lot and just generally had a good time.

So, yay! I really just needed something to distract my mind from life so wounds could start to heal.

And tomorrow I get to go watch a movie with Joe. =)

Huggles!

Like a broken record...

*Warning* Don't read if you don't want to hear another unhappy post *Warning*

So yea, I'm just feeling empty and worthless today. I don't know how to fix myself, hoping I'm not broken beyond repair.

School was... alright I guess. One glimmer of decent news, got a B+ on my chem test! Just to give you some context on the difficulty of the test, my 71% got curved up to a B+... So yea, my worries were founded, I was just saved by the fact that the rest of the class is just as lost as I.

Goose Control Meeting was frustrating as ever. It is practically impossible to get these people to focus on the real answer and the simplest solutions! GRRRRR.

Sigh, well, I'm going to see if I can find someone to distract me... Maybe the SCA practice is still going on and I can beat some of this frustration out.

Hugz

Fuming

Ok, so I lied... I simply don't have it in me to make a positive post this evening... I feel like there's a huge hole inside me. I'm simply overstressed this week. I feel terribly weighed down, and trust me these shoulders can take a lot before they reach their limit, but they are getting close.

I need a little sunshine soon. It's really bothering me not to know what I'm doing this summer, what the next step is... Damn, I haven't been unemployed since I was 13! Technically I could stay on at the zoo as an interpreter again this summer, but I think that grunt work would eat me away inside if I had to do it all again. There is a chance for me to get on show staff and I'll try that. At least then I'd still be at the zoo and working with some animals... Or I could apply somewhere in the area and get some large animal experience that I'll need before I apply for vet school.

And what's left of the hopeful bits of my mind are saying I should try for that internship at the Lewa Conservancy in Africa or the Orangutan Orphanage in Borneo... And I'm trying so hard not to let the embittered side of me talk me out of it.

So we'll see where life takes me, I just don't like feeling so like I've lost the path...
So I guess I'll just have to beat a new one!
Hugz

Ps. I'm just going to stay the hell away from the Fianna board right now, because certain people and their better-then-you, compromise means give it-to-me-my-way-and-no-other-way attitudes are really upsetting me... It just doesn't feel like fun anymore. I was asked for for my help with aos dana, and I gave my version of what I would like to see done and they made it clear that my opinion wasn't wanted thank you. That's fine, I'm used to not getting my share of the cake, but damn I miss Fianna the way it used to be, when it was a family and we had fun.

And two steps back...

Alright, so today was a very packed day... Very much a rollercoaster. In the interests of needing to vent right now this post will be highly negative, I will follow later with accounts of today's coolness.

So... I didn't get my animal care internship. I happened to mention to Laurie (kangaroo keeper) that I hadn't yet heard anything back about whether I had gotten it or not... She, being the sweet heart she is, went and asked Ken for me... Which I appreciate more then she could ever know because he wasn't going to call me. Apparently because he didn't know what to tell me. See, I am completely qualified, and probaby would have gotten it for sure. But rumor is Ken had to make some affirmative action hires which pushed me down the list and out of the running. DAMNIT I AM SO PISSED! This is really frustrating to me. To have been this close to my dream job only to get smacked away at the last minute?! It really hurts...

Sigh.