Ok, so I'm on a medication to stimulate norepinephrine and saratonine production in my body. This theoretically should help calm me down and be happy. So far, it seems to be working but it hasn't even been a week yet. I'm falling asleep faster, sleeping better, and even actually waking to my alarm in the morning. I can study again. I'm not (as) stressed out about life in general. And my mother has noticed that I'm looking and acting better, though I still feel bitchy whenever I can't see Josh...

And, added bonus, my appetite has suddenly decreased. I guess all the eating just to calm myself isn't needed anymore. Yay! If I use some of this new energy to start exercising now, I might get my body to where I want it to be. So life is looking up.

I managed to get my grade in Econ pulled from a B- back to an A+ at the last minute, so I don't have to take the exam. So that leaves Calc on Monday and Govt on Friday. Govt will be a BS essay test so no worries there. But I just failed my last midterm in calc, (though so did everyone else), so I'm a little worried about that... Damnit I hate cummulative math tests. So... I'm going to do my best. I need a C or better to pass the course so wish me luck...

I'm all scheduled for next semester, (including calc 2, my counselor made me), but the schedule sucks! 5 days a week, I go up Thursday just for one friggin class! Sigh, and the time frames dont allow me to fit in more than one evening a week for work plus weekends. Which will not be enough to pay for what I need. So, I either change my schedule or get a second/other job. We shall see I guess...

Well, I'm off to study more and wait for my beloved to get here after his stupidly late DnD game. I miss him so much...

Huggles!

Ok so, I've made the decision. I'm going to go see my doctor about medication for clinical depression. I've talked to him about it a little before, especially when I went on the birth control for the anemia and the hormones started throwing me off, but we decided to wait and see if it got better... And obviously it hasn't. Instead it has manifested in a terrible sadness whenever I'm not with Josh and anxiety to the point that I can't get my studying done... And I'm sick of it. I miss the old me, the real me. The one who glittered and shined and lit up the room when she smiled. I miss smiling and I miss the energy I used to have. I'm also going to cut my hours at work when I start school in January again. Hopefully by then I'll have the money for my down payment saved up. I should. But the money just isn't worth the stress that the time constraint is putting on my body and my school work.

So, I'm taking a big step in hopefully the right direction. Depression is something I've managed to fight off for a good length of my life and I refuse to let it conquer me like it did my siblings and mother when they were my age. I'm stronger that it, even if the strength comes simply from realizing that I need the help. And I do...

Huggles and sunshine!