I'm feeling the need for a hug right now... I'm just very stressed. Simply and completely. I am however very grateful for the fact that I got to escape for a little while last night. After we got home from the ER I went to Ray's and they took me to kareoke with them. It was, as always, a blast. But even more enjoyable was my conversation with Ray late into the night. I adore simply being with him. He makes me feel wonderful and I haven't felt that way in so long. And I am blown away by the passion in his voice when he speaks to me. I don't know how we managed to grow upon each other so quickly but I think we are both pretty stuck on each other. To a point, it is terrifying... but more than that, it just feels right, perfect even. I know I'm going to have to be careful, I don't want any hearts broken again so soon, but I need to live my life and follow my heart. I'm so glad to have found my new best friend... and I'm so excited to share more of my life with him, and to share my love with him.

Huggles!

So yesterday after picking me up from college, my Mom drove over to my grandfather's apartment to check on him because she hadn't heard from him in awhile. She asked me to come in with her but I was too tired and while I feel terrible to admit it, I don't get along too well with Grandpa. So she made some joke about going in to find his decaying body and I feel asleep in the car... Next thing I know it's like half an hour later and she gets back into the car crying. She found him laying unconsious on the floor and called 911. Apparently he had been there since Monday or Tuesday. The ambulance came and took him to the emergency room. I slept through the whole thing... I feel terrible. I should have gone in with Mom. She needed me to help support her and I wasn't there. She was so shaken up and she feels like the whole thing is her fault and I just want her to stop crying... I spent the rest of the evening in the emergency room while they took him in and out to get tests run etc... He looked terrible. He has a huge sore on one cheek either from falling there or from it rubbing on the floor where he layed. They aren't positive what caused it, none of the tests show anything conclusive. They are leaning towards stroke however due to a slight facial droop. We just got back now from visiting him again... He looks a lot more animated physically but he just isn't quite with it. He is talking about things that make no sense whatsoever... It is rather disconcerting. I don't know what's going to happen to the poor guy. There is no way he can go back to living alone. He's not going to be able to drive anymore either. And he's not going to be happy about either of those facts. Sigh... I am not looking forward to this struggle.

Very sad Huggles.

So I feel really wonderful today! The sun is shining, I'm eating yummy chinese food at college, I got an A on my psych test, I get to see Ray tonight, I had a good night's sleep, and the world is good.... for now at least. My hand is giving me a little bit of trouble though... swelling up around the bite wounds... I figure if they aren't healed by the end of the month, they'll make a good Halloween costume as a vampire victim. =)

So, I've been doing a lot of comtemplating lately about what is love... What is it really? Can it truly be defined? The scientific part of me would extol that it is obviously a survival adaptation programmed into us through evolution powered by releases of certain hormones and neurotransmitters. By making us desire to have a monogomous relationship, it increases not only the likelihood that the offspring will survive but also the likelihood that the male will have the sole rights to passing on his bloodline through the female. This latter advantage is even more greatly increased by the fact that human females can be imprenated any time and not simply during a limited time of heat like many other animals, so by having watch over the female constantly, he ensures his line's continuance. Also thusly, the female again ensures that he needs to stay around and in the mean time helps to protect both her and her children.

Love for parents, love for children, love for friends can all be explained similarly as a survival tool that would have been reinforced in the bloodlines as it made the individual who possesed the characteristic more likey to procreate.

But is love simply a physical thing? Being the hopeless romantic and poetic type that I am, my sensitive side grinds against this definition and screams that No! it cannot simply be about lust and physical survival! There is so much more integral to life than biochemicals and Darwinism... But I simply cannot pinpoint it. So does a deeper definition truly exist? And if not, than can love truly exist for one like me who doesn't see a likelihood of ever reproducing?

Wow... My mind is spinning. I'm going to go muse over this and eat the rest of my general tso's chicken.

Deep Huggles!

I got to play lion tamer at work today. I tend to be the best at restraining unhappy cats because no matter what, I will not let go of them even if they have their teeth sunk into me and no matter what horrible noises they make. This is good because then the doctor does not get bitten. Well, we had three terror cats practically right in a row. So now my hands look like they got attacked by a starved vampire. I have at least half a dozen fang marks as well as various scratches and bruises which are all now swelling up to painful proportions. All in a days work though... Sometimes it hurts to be the best.

Bloody, bruised, and beaten huggles!

Feeling slightly bummed, I think I bombed two tests today. I prepared to no end for my psych test and still don't feel confident that I did well. And I didn't study nearly enough for my chemistry test and feel confident that I did terribly. Sigh...

I hope to no end that my speech class is not cancelled again tomorrow. I don't think I can go a whole week without it! I really want to know what my grade on the last speech was and I really missed just having fun with the class and Mark yesterday...

I ought to be at practice right now but it is rather cold outside and by now it is very dark. I am however debating whether or not to go see Ray this evening... I've seen him practically every single day for the past two weeks or so. I'm so surprised that he isn't tired of me... But he says he really enjoys having me around, and Lord knows I certainly enjoy it. I really love just hanging out with him and Jules and Higs and everyone else who shows up there constantly. But I'm afraid I'm also depriving Ray of too much sleep as he usually has a pretty early bed time when I'm not there... I don't want to wear him out. So, I'll probably just chill at home tonight unless he calls me and asks me to come over.

Gee, what a boring blog... I just didn't have much worthwhile saying.
Apologetic Huggles!

So I have learned more about how neurons work than I ever thought I needed to know. This whole day has been spent cramming for tomorrow's psych test and I think I'm going to ace it! Were you aware that the action potential that occurs within two neurons can be likened to a person pooping in another person's mouth and then continuing in a chain of mass intra-mouth pooping? I didn't know that either until today's study session, and frankly I'm terrified. Oh and that a clitoris is nothing more than a shrunken penis? Oh and if you cut out someone's tongue and lay it flat on the table and thump one end of it, it will produce a wave ov vibrations to the other end of it that mimics the vibrations traveling through inner ear. Oh the things you learn in Dr. Phil's psychology class...

So, my eye is feeling slightly better since the doctor put lidocaine drops in it but it is still very sensitive to light, etc.. No contacts for at least a week. Sigh. But I guess it could have been worse... He couldn't find any actual scratches so I don't have to wear an eyepatch. (ARRR matey)

I am cold. I am sick of being cold. Brrrrrrrrrrrr. I need to move to Arizona, or maybe Africa or Australia. Hmmmm.... I've been talking to Stunt in Iraq and he says it is like 85 degrees at midnight. Mmmmm. But I don't envy his position at all. I hope he comes home safe and soon as I really am starting to enjoy talking with him.

Alright, off to warm myself up.
Huggles

Looking at the world through blood streaked eyes...

I somehow managed to scratch my eye this morning and have spent the whole day in a state of agony. To make matters worse, today was my trip to Columbus zoo with the volunteer group and it really sucked not being able to see all day... First thing I did was buy a pair of sunglasses when I got there so the sun wouldn't continue to make me nauseous. So I looked rather stylish all day... =) I did manage to enjoy the day though, how could I not when at a zoo?

Half Blind Huggles!